A Mind Dump, literally.

A month ago – yes, a freaking month ago, embarrassingly – on my Instagram story I mentioned I would be writing a piece over Labor Day weekend that I was really excited about after a month of crickets on the blog. Well, absolutely zero writing occurred during the holiday weekend or the past few weeks for that matter. I’ll chalk my delayed action while visiting Rocky Top to reliving my college days and spending time with my sister but if I’m being honest, I’ve really been lacking in the creative department lately. So much so that I found myself whining to a few friends hoping they could stir some inspiration, passion, complaints… truly anything only to find out they too seemed to be in the same rut, blaming the change of seasons as the possible source of my lackluster writing feels. Let me go ahead and say it, summer is officially over and fall has started rearing its head in the early mornings, softly threatening us Chicagoans of the impending winter. SIDENOTE: The theme of the aforementioned “excited blog post” is conceptually a piece recapping my first year in Chicago, aka seasons, written as an ode to Chicago and Summer Time Chi. But more on that when the spark returns… In the meantime, as my college coach used to say…”Control the controllables” and as writers advise when feeling stuck, the best thing to do when you don’t feel like writing is to just sit down and write. So, I’m going to use this brain block to do exactly what this blog was created for; mind dumping. There’s no order or logic to this post, no overarching themes, just thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past few months…and maybe that’s what I’ve needed, a good dump of the random ish trying to make a permanent home in my mind. Thank you in advance to those of you who make it through to the end – PS. This is literally how my mind works. It’s fun.

Relationship Drama: Fit is currently not trying to hear Full

Fit & Full, as a concept, embodies everything I try to achieve daily. Fit by striving to be in optimal physical and mental shape by committing to a daily workout regime and reading books to feed my mind. Full by doing my best to always be in the now and enjoying the pleasure of life aka food. But lately it’s been a struggle trying to balance the two and I’ll be honest, I’ve been feeling some pressure the “Fit” side has created as a result of posting more photos of my physique. I’m not saying I’m embarrassed or ashamed of my body – laaawwwddd no – but I feel myself playing the comparison game more recently than before. As a woman in the social media generation, it’s not surprising these feelings have spurred and full disclosure, I’ve struggled with my body image when I was younger but I suppose it’s the ebbs and flows of self-confidence and self-love throughout this journey. Not every day is perfect but I DO love myself, every single day. Sometimes I just want a few more abs to pop through without having to turn down tacos. The struggle continues. 

Universe Happenings…

Ok Y’all, let’s address this mood that’s been hover over all of us since the end of July…or perhaps the cloud only existed in my life. Did Mercury being in retrograde during the first lunar eclipse June 2011 only for the cosmic stirrings to continue a week later when  6 out of 8 planets entering retrograde completely flip anyone else’s world upside-down too?! I can’t be the only one. On July 26th Mercury entered retrograde – fancy was of saying the planet appeared to moving backwards in its orbit. No big deal for the Average Joe but if you’re one who pays attention to energy shifts in the Universe, these two weeks marked a complete shizzzzz show in your professional and personal lives. For those of you who don’t know, let me clue you in right quick. Mercury is the ruler of communication and is said to control aspects of contracts and all things pertaining to technology, which is why it is advised to not make any concrete decisions during a retrograde. The change in the geomagnetic pull is said to bring about huge personal shifts, pushing you through a much-needed transformation. Or as I posted on my IG story…

”We will notice our past coming back to test us & the decisions we make over this period will either show how much we have grown or how we are still stuck repeating the same dramas and maintaining ties that we know we should have cut some time ago. This is our opportunity to prove to ourselves that we’ve learned from heartbreaking mistakes and we’re no longer afraid to end what is harmful & open up to new beginnings that hold life-changing possibilities.”

Can anyone attest to feeling this EXACT way on July 26th? Trust me, ya girl was TESTED and was only continued to be put through the chaos until August 27th when Mercury blessed us by returning to a normal rotation. The end of the retrograde signifies the opportunity to start anew by taking all of those struggles and tested moments and step in the direction you’ve been working towards. Perhaps it was the blasts from the past that caused an emotional stirring but despite the progress, I feel I’ve made working to always be in the now and lead a life full of appreciation, gratitude and emotional clarity, those few weeks left me more unsettled than I was before. I felt, and still do to a certain extent, feeling restless. My living situation was up in the air for a short period of time – I wasn’t homeless, just ready for my own space – I had become stuck in my job, and my relationships out of focus. Now if Y’all know anything about me, I would refer to this period as spinning. A lack of direction and commitment/passion that I very much need in order to feel fulfilled. Being able to recognize this state sooner than later allowed me to step back and take a good look at my next move. Cue the power of manifestation…

Next week’s post: What I’m Manifesting.

*Honesty moment: My manifestation ramble was originally part of this post but as I was editing I realized my mind dump had turned into a projectile mind vomit and I wanted to spare all of you who were kind enough to read it to the end. You’re welcome 🙂

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