Whether we own up to it or not, we all tell lies to ourselves. And despite the negative connotations associated with lying, not all lies are necessarily bad. Now, before you start thinking I live a life riddled with deceit, let me explain. I like to think the REASON behind a lie is what makes it good or bad. It’s the difference between telling yourself it’s going to be a great day when all signs have said otherwise VERSUS omitting information to avoid someone getting upset something you’ve done. One is used as a trick to motivate the other is always framed as the intent of not harming another person when in reality it’s fueled from insecurities of not wanting to look bad or lose something from poor decision making. Does this sound like some personal experiences coming out? I digress.
But seriously, we all lie to ourselves in one way or another. It wasn’t until I was recently listening to, you guessed it, Ben Pakulski interview with Kute Blackson mentioned in last week’s post, that I really start considering the lies I tell myself and what they mean. Blackson asks listeners to consider:
“What lies am I telling myself, what am I pretending to not know? Be aware that we there is a game we unconsciously play with ourselves of “I don’t know” and “I’m confused” when deep down know exactly. To really own our power and step out of mediocrity it requires the willingness to take full responsibility of “I do know” And it’s scary but it’s better to own your knowledge than to waste time to lie to ourselves.”
And if there’s one thing I hate most it’s wasting tune. So sh*t, here we go. 5 lies I tell myself:
1. I Enjoy Working Out – Yes, this pretty much goes against the entire X behind Fit & Full. The lie is in the grind of the training. Getting up early, staying disciplined in my eating habits, practicing consistent recovery. Those aspects of working out I have to coax myself to maintain and typically a “come to Jesus” talk every weekday morning at 4:30 AM. However, I DO find absolute joy and fulfillment in my routine and the physical challenge. On the days I’m lacking motivation I remind myself that God blessed me with many talents and this body. Gotta make the most of it while I can!
2. I can do everything. – I have a VERY STRONG perceived sense of Superwomanism, which I proudly attribute to my mom. The example she set for me is the fuel to all of my fires but tends to put me in a tough position from time to time. My output becomes too much. As a giver by nature, I find myself, willingly, putting the goals and needs of others before my own which creates an energy deficit and can make me feel extremely drained. I would also like to think this is why I consider myself an introvert. When I have to be “on” it takes a lot out of me so when the weekend comes and homie is trying to talk to me at the bar when I’m literally just trying to have fun, please don’t take offense to the look of confusion on my face as to what the hell you want? And y’all thought these DMs were overflowing…don’t have the energy for it.
3. I have a black heart. – My sisters jokingly call me Sista Soulja because of the composure I’m able to keep in tough emotional situations – or so I think that’s why – but little do they know, I have developed the ability to literally not emotionally invest in situations that would normally elicit an emotional response. Explicitly writing this definitely makes me look psychotic but this lie has actually helped me through my Stoic journey. Most of the time we react emotionally versus processing a situation and responding. After the unexpected pass of my dad and mom’s re-diagnosis of cancer shortly after, I quickly created to buckets for life situations: Either X situation deserves the amount of emotional energy as my dad passing away or is it something that won’t matter five minutes from now? And if it’s the latter, it doesn’t deserve my energy from the beginning. More often than not, the situation is petty, or something that didn’t go as I hoped, it’s a situation out of my control, or it’s really the other person dealing with their own struggles which indirectly impacted me…basically, it isn’t sh*t. People come and go, everyone for a reason and a season. Nothing is forever and I’m not chasing forever in my career, friendships, relationships, passions. Just the here and now. So for those of you who ask how I’m able to trudge on despite some heavy life happenings, it’s because I truly don’t give a fugg. And I mean that in the nicest way.
4. I have zero expectations. – Stoicism teaches to have zero expectations of people and life because, in the end, everything happens for a reason and typically out of our control. We all have our own reasons and motives and to set expectations will only cause your own disappoint and, if I might add, is totally unfair to the other person. Who are you to expect someone to know what you’re thinking or feeling without explicitly telling them? Pretty selfish when you think about it. And this is another lie in my inner dialogue but I see it more as a hope for humanity – yes, I’m justifying my lie. Look, I’m not perfect, my only expectation is for people to be GOOD people, whatever that means to them and as it applies to other. Listen to your gut in EVERY situation, accept that your plans a year from now can change tomorrow, don’t lie to people you love – or anyone, always act in your own personal interest but not gain. Basically, TRULY live by the golden rule out of the respect of human connection and life. Too many of us, myself included, have been numbed by heartbreak or major letdowns. Stop using it as an excuse to act in the same way that caused you the same disappointment. Be better.
5. Social media lie – I am living my passion. – Let me tell y’all something that many of us are pretty aware of, social media is a lie. We CHOOSE how we portray our life and I’m going to expose the key to successful social media marketing and engagement: posts are typically structured around a content schedule. If you pay attention to the big accounts, you’ll notice trends or themes on certain days of the week. My Instagram page follows a certain schedule which allows me to display my passions but in no way does it capture my everyday life. However, I will say that my Instagram embodies what I aspire to achieve; complete and full immersion into the health and wellness space as an influencer and resource.
Before you lay down for the night or jump right into your day, I challenge you to ask yourself what lies you’re telling yourself. Sit with the truth, BURN with it and take action to be your best self. It’s not always easy and certainly not always comfortable but at the end of it all, you are in charge of the life you live and what you’ve done with the time you had on this Earth. Regret nothing.
Be love. Be light.