The truth is, I’ve found myself too tired for words these past few months. Too tired to unpack everything that’s happened this year, good and bad. I’ve hit E on energy output which has also ran my creative tank dry. I’ve entered a state of being, just moving aimlessly through each day…just maintaining to get through, sleep and do it all again tomorrow. At times I feel a spark, a slight ignite of the fire that used to burn SO BRIGHT with a passionate drive to match but those moments seem so far between now. I’m beyond the state of spinning, I’m at the bottom passively hoping to jumpstart that desire to, truthfully, live in all sense of the word “live” and not just being alive.
I’ve always sought solace in travel. I am reenergized by adventure and light up by aimless wander. Being able to escape and really be lost in my surroundings. I look back at the past few weeks…few months, and I’m completely drained. Physically, I could not have maintained without my trainer, David Carson, for putting up with my lackluster mood and continuing to push my gym therapy but mentally, I am nothing. Feeling numb more often than electrified. With only a few days left in this year, this decade, I have decided to really work to bring back my light and to do so, I have to disconnect. Social media has been an incredible platform to connect but I also find it taking away valuable time that needs to be spent feeling alive versus escaping from a conversation or filling bored space.
Over the next few weeks I will be celebrating life’s most beautiful moments with people that have become family and my actual family making new traditions. These will be moments I don’t want to simply exist, I want to sit in every single one and in doing so, my social media interaction will be limited. I will probably lose followers and I might become irrelevant, but a cleanse is in order.
That being said, I want to wish all of you a happy holiday season. May you cherish the special moments and find peace where necessary.